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SMS Jokes , Quotes , Funny texts - Page 3

Collection of some of the best shares among our community !! Be Happy , Keep others Happy by sharing these !

There r many brave people, who always want to fight & be Adventurous.
Some choose 
ARMY

& retire soon...

Others get 
MARRIED 
& fight till Death...

========================================
Beautifully answer by  Lord Buddha:
"Master, What's the difference between "like" n "love"?
Buddha's answer was so simple:
"When u like a flower, u just pluck it.  But when u love a flower, u water it daily..! 
One who understand this , understands life ...
========================================
3 fastest means of communications
1) tele phone
2) tele vision
3) tell a woman
Still need faster communication : Tell her NOT to tell anyone😝
========================================
Management Lesson :
One night when the whole world was sleeping, a thief broke into the house of a washer man.
The washer man was fast asleep but the donkey and the dog were awake.
The dog decided not to bark since the master did not take good care of him and wanted to teach him a lesson.
The donkey got worried and said to the dog that if he doesn't bark, the donkey will have to do something himself.
The dog did not change his mind and the donkey started braying loudly.
Hearing the donkey bray, the thief ran away, the master woke up and started beating the donkey for braying in the middle of the night for no reason.
Moral of the story: One must not engage in duties other than his own.

Now take a new look at the same story.
The washer man was like a typical top management corporate guy.
He had the fundas of looking at the bigger picture and thinking out of the box.
He was convinced that there must be some reason for the donkey to bray in the night.
He walked outside a little and did some fact finding, applied a research approach, figured out from the ground realities that there was a thief who broke in and the donkey only wanted to alert him about it.
Looking at the donkey's extra initiative and going beyond the call of the duty, he rewarded him with lot of hay and other perks and the donkey became his favorite pet.
The dog's life didn't change much, except that now the donkey was more motivated in doing the dogs duties as well.
In the Appraisal the dog managed an "8".
The donkey was rated as "9".
Soon the dog realized that the donkey is taking care of his duties and he can enjoy his life sleeping and lazing around.
The donkey had to live up to his already high performance standards.
Soon he was over burdened with work and always under pressure and now is looking for a switch....
Moral of the story-Remains the same- "One must not engage in duties other than his own"

========================================
Drunk and driving

2 dost Daaru pee k ghar ja rahe the.

Tabhi 1 chillya - Deewar ...Abe samne dekh deewar hai ....deewar... dewaar dekh kameene......  dhadaaaaam! 😫😳

They hit the wall. 

The next day in the hospital 
1st askd 2nd - Abe main chilla chilla k Bol rha tha dewar hai dewar hai... suna kyu nhi tune??

2nd answered him: - Abe saale... Gaadi tu hi chala raha tha ..!!!😂😂

========================================

Chanakya writes

"If you want to be
Happy with your husband,
Love him Less &
Understand him more !

If you want to be
Happy with your wife,
Love her More &
NEVER try to Understand her !"

========================================
Dedicated to All married 
At late night wife's mobile beeps. Husband checks her mobile and gets angry.�
He wakens his wife.
Husband (angrily): who is this person saying beautiful???
Surprised wife checks her mobile.
Wife (double angrily):heyyy... use your spectacles. It is not beautiful. It is battery full.
===================================================
Wife : Shall I prepare Sambhar or Rasam today .
Husband : First make it, we will name it later 
===================================================
A frustrated husband in front of his laptop:
dear google, please do not behave like my wife...
Please allow me to complete my sentence before you start
guessing & suggesting
===================================================
A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at
5:30 after work.
His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and
listens in.
"My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the
dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be
bothered with cooking tonight ! Why the hell did you bring
him home for?"
Husband answers "Because he's thinking of getting married"
===================================================
Husband: I found Aladin's lamp today.
Wife: wow, what did u ask for darling??
Husband: I asked him to increase your brain ten times..
Wife: oh..jaan..luv u so much.. Did he do that??
Husband: He laughed and said multiplication doesn't apply on
zero.
===================================================
Employee: Sir You are like a lion in the office! What about
at home??
Boss: I am a lion at home too, But Goddess Durga sits on the
lion there !
===================================================
A man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their
anniversary and wife didn't speak to him for 6 months.
Was the necklace FAKE.Nooooo! That was the deal
===================================================
A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the
food was served, the husband said, "the food looks delicious,
let's eat."
Wife: honey.....you say prayer before eating at home.
Husband: that's at home sweetheart......here the chef knows
how to cook.
===================================================
Best Slogan on a MAN's T-Shirt :
"Please Do Not Disturb me,
I am Married and already very Disturbed"�😝😝

===================================================
WHY DO COUPLES FIGHT!!
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘Dust.’
And then the fight started….
*************************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.’
I bought her a weighing scale.
And then the fight started….
***************************

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.
So, I took her to a petrol pump
And then the fight started….
***************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my wife kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked my wife, ‘Do you know him?’
‘Yes,’ she sighed, ‘He’s my old boyfriend.
I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My Word!’ I said to my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’
And then the fight started….
***************************

My wife is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,’I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to give me a compliment.’
I replied, ‘Your eyesight’s perfect.’
And then the fight started….
***************************

I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
“Somewhere I’ve not been in a long time.”
So I took her to the kitchen.
And then the fight started….
***************************

Thought of the day:

Whenever you get Pains in your life, Just think about the full form of Pains.
"Positive Attitude In Negative Situation" 
Follow it, Life will change!

===================================================
Son: Dad, U said that we
        are created by God
        and Mom said that we
        have evolved from
        monkeys, Which is
        true?

Dad :  I told U about my
            side of the family
             and she told about
              her side of the
              family.
===================================================
Smart answer by a female...

On a flight, a guy asked a beautiful lady sitting next to him...

'Nice perfume.....which one is it?...
I want to gift it to my wife..!!'

Lady
'Don't give her....some idiot will find an excuse to talk to her..!!'
===================================================

Super Insults:

A letter from a teacher to a parent: 

Dear Parent, 
Kumar doesn't smell nice in class. Please try to bathe him.

Parent's answer:
Dear Teacher, Kumar is not a rose, Dont smell him,Teach him......
===================================================
Mother to Son: 
Who is Tippu Sultan ?
Son : Don't know
Mother : Sometime give attention to study also 
Son to Mother : Do you know Chinky Aunty ?
Mother : Don't know
Son: Sometimes give attention to Dad also 
===================================================

A cute excuse:
Teacher-Y r u late?
Student-Mom & dad were fighting.
Teacher-so what makes U late if dey were fighting?
Student-one shoe was in mom's hand and one in dad's..
===================================================
Girl: wat's d price of galaxy grand?? 
Salesman: Rs.18,000/- 
Girl: OMG
Girl: and iphone?? . . 
Salesman: OMG + OMG + OMG
===================================================
Wife : I hate that beggar.
Husband : Why ?
Wife : Rascal, yesterday 
I gave him food today he gave me a book
How to Cook !!! 
===================================================

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Tippu's Colonel Bailey Dungeon , Srirangapatna tourist places , Bangalore weekend destinations

Dungeon view from bottom
Our team visited SriRangapatna in Mandya district which is about 120 kms from Bangalore about a 2 and a half hour journey. It houses many of the historic spots of Tippu Sultan , of which in this post we cover "Colonel Bailey's Dungeon"

Dungeon view from Top
As per the history mentioned in this place "This dungeon lies north of Ranganatha Swamy temple and close to Lal Mahal Palace. The oblong bastion referred to as Sultan Bateri , conceals the vaulted dungeon measuring 30.5 mts x 12.2 mts built in brick and mortar. The prisoners were chained to the stone slabs fixed on East, North and West Walls. Named after colonel Bailey who died in 1782 AD , this dungeon was used to imprison British prisoners like Captain Baird and Rulay , Colonel Brithwhite sampson , Frazer and Lindsay by Tippu Sultan."


Inside dungeon Firangi
Train passing by Bridge
Compound walls
Our team reached here by noon after visiting Sri Ranganathaswamy temple which is just opposite to this spot about 100 to 200 mts away. This is preserved the Archaeological Society of India as a Historic monument. Entrance is free. Once we enter , we noticed on the left the dungeon underground . We took the steps down and reached the dungeon which had six open archs at the front and 3 horizonal chambers inside . We noticed the stone slabs which were mounted at equidistant lengths. It is here where the prisoners were chained. There was a Firangi right in the middle of the Dungeon and a small opening at the roof. We presume this Firangi was fired through this roof hole. Outside the dungeon were stone steps which indicated that it was not easy for the prisoners to escape around and have to pass by the difficult stone steps. Above the roof , were the compounds which had small holes , interestingly inside which were 3 bisections - left , middle and right. It is assumed earlier soldiers used to use long guns , stood behind the compound walls , used to watch the enemies through these small holes and fire the guns.

Stone Steps
Prison Hang stones
But standing on these wall compounds we noticed the Cauvery river flowing across the Srirangapatna Bridge . We were lucky to get a nice view of train passing by this bridge. There is also a small 15 feet road on the bridge to reach the other end of Srirangapatna.

A very nice spot to visit with your family and friends on a weekend. Do Visit this spot and share your experiences.


Panoramic view of Srirangapatna Bridge

Check out our touring spots guide for more details on other spots.

Ranganthittu Bird Life Sanctuary, Srirangapatna Tourist places , Bangalore weekend destinations

Our team recently visited SriRangapatna in Mandya District which is about 120 kms from Bangalore about a 2 and half hour journey.  In this post we cover the spot "Ranganthittu , the bird life Sanctuary"

   
Panoramic View of River and Small Islands

 This spot is around 2 to 3 kms from the Mysore-Bangalore national highway near Srirangapatna. It is one of the largest bird sanctuary of the state which is expected to be existing around 200-300 years ago. It is beleived the small islands / islets were built during the Mysore Maharaja wodeyar's period as a embark across Cauvery river. Later one of famous ornithologist Dr.Salim Ali during his visit here in  early 19th century noticed the bird's nesting around and requested the government to declare it as a sanctuary which is then being maintained by the forest department of Karnataka. 

River view

Birds nesting on trees
This place is spread over a area of at-least 40 acres. After visiting Pachima Vahini our team reached this spot by 1.30 PM at noon . There is a 25 feet road to his spot on either sides surrounded with lush sugarcane and paddy fields. We need to wait for at-least 30 minutes in the car queue as the security was collecting the entry fee at the gate itself and then letting the vehicles in. There is space to park around 100 cars , on the day we visited the parking space was jammed.  Entry fee is Rs.60 per person.
Boating

Crocodiles resting
Inside the park we found a canteen , a information center , a boating spot , and many paragolas for people. There were frequent vistors to the spot which kept the place busy. We came to know there were around 6 small islands made along the cauvery river - The rain tree island , The Neeranji Island , StonePlover Island , Mathi tree island  , Whisteling Teel island , Sweet Tamarind island 

Monkey at Hanging bridge
River Island view
We first covered exploring the park , we noticed few crocodiles relaxing against the sun on the river rocks , a group of white crane type birds some of which were busy fishing in the river water.  There were around 2 watch towers from where one can get a good view of the islands from top which is around 30 to 40 feet. Elder people should watch out the steps as its very steep.  

Watch towers

There is a small hanging bridge where we noticed some monkeys , passing which we found the boating spot which is the main attraction for visitors.  There was a minimal fee of Rs.50 per person for Indians and Rs.200 for foreigners. One should experience this boating to get a view of all the islands around and watch the crocodiles from a fair near distance. After travelling along a quite distance , we started feeling hungry - moved to the canteen where which was very good in terms of taste and variety and headed back.  There are many shops selling ice creams , snacks etc to make the visit more enjoyable.

Timings are from 8.30 AM to 6 PM . A very nice spot to visit on a weekend with family and friends. Do visit this spot and share your experiences.

Gumbaz , Srirangapatna Tourist places , Bangalore weekend destinations

Our team visited SriRangapatna in Mandya District , one of the infamous spots of Karnataka with historical importance. In this post we cover the spot , "Gumbaz"

Gumbaz Entrance



Gumbaz park
As per the history mentioned here "This tomb and Mosque was built by Tippu Sultan as a tribute to his illustrious father Hyder Ali (1722 - 1784 AD) , after his death. The Gumbaz is situated at the eastern extreme of Srirangapatna . It enshrines the cenotaphs of Hyder Ali , his wife Fakr-Un-Nisha and Tippu Sultan after his death in 1799 AD. It is built on a stone plinth, with polished black granite pillars that run along the corridor around the inner chamber. A magnificent dome crowns the building . The chamber is painted with the tiger stripes that were associated with Tippu.  The structure , laid out a midst  a garden , typical of Islamic architecture , also houses the Masjid-E-Aksa. At the eastern entrance of the Mausoleum is a tablet in Persian script that speaks of the martyrdom of Tippu Sultan in 1799 AD.  There are also numerous other cenotaphs of the relatives of Tippu's family."
Gumbaz Tomb

Gumbaz evening View
Our team visited here in the evening around 5 PM after visiting Cauvery Lokapavani Sangam which is about 10 minutes drive from here . Entrance is free , off course we had to shell out some parking fee of Rs.30 for our car. A beautiful arch welcomes us , on entering which we get a glimpse of the Gumbaz in front surrounded by a green park similar to the Daria Daulat bagh with flower plants and trees. Once we entered inside the Gumbaz , we were mesmerized with the Gigantic tomb built and the paintings done. Exactly under the tomb were cenotaphs of Tippu, his father and mother cover with the Holy religious cloth. The guide here explained us that the Gumbaz is surrounded with 36 pillars to signify the ruling period of Tippu and his father. Just Behind Gumbaz were cenotaphs of Tippu's other family members. There is a mosque adjacent to the Gumbaz which attracted many visitors for prayers. 
Gumbaz Mosque

Gumbaz is open to visitors between 08 AM to 6.30 PM . There are few shops and hotels opposite on the other road side where you may get snacks and stuffs to enjoy in the park with your family and friends. This is a must visit spot for monument lovers. Do visit this spot and share your experiences.
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