SMS jokes , Quotes , Funny texts - Page 7

Why do we sometimes write 'etc' at the end in the exam?
bcoz it means
...
E - End of
T - Thinking
C - Capacity.


-----------------------------------
How to Create d Biggest Doubt in ur Wife's Mind 4 u ?
Just Suddenly send her SMS Saying..
"I Luv u too" (GAME OVER!)


-----------------------------------
When do you know u r in love ?
Ans : When you start searching for the cheapest mobile plan

-----------------------------------
What is the Diff b/w Young Age & Old Age?
Simple : In Young Age Phone Is Full Of Darlings Numbers.
In Old Age : Its Full of Doctors Numbers.


-----------------------------------
"Why is Facebook such a hit ?
It works on the principle that
'People are more interested in others life than their own.


-----------------------------------
A Question Asked In A Talent Test: If You Are Married To 1 Of The Twin Sisters, How would You

Recognize Your WIFE?
The Best Answer : Why d Hell Should I recognize ?

-----------------------------------
We Pronounce 22 as Twenty Two,
33 as Thirty Three,
44 as Forty Four,
55 as Fifty Five,
Why not 11 as Onety One?
Doubt By last bench association.

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What is the diff between "GHAZAL" & "LECTURE" ?
Every word spoken by the girlfriend is "GHAZAL"
and
Every word spoken by wife is "LECTURE"

-----------------------------------
Whats d diff btwn Pongal n idly?
think...think..think...
Ans : U ll get a holiday for pongal but not for idly.


-----------------------------------
What is the height of confusion?
Two earth worms Playing HIDE AND SEEK in a Plate full of noodles.


-----------------------------------
Wat is d    Benefit of having a crush in
d same college where u study ?
Ans 100% Attendanzzz

-----------------------------------
Teacher: What Is The Difference Between HIMAMI & TSUNAMI ?
Pappu : HIMAMI is Face Wash, TSUNAMI is Total Wash.!


-----------------------------------
When you are in love,
Wonders happen.
But once you get married,
You wonder, what happened.

-----------------------------------
Philosophy of marriage :
At the beginning,
every wife treats her husband as GOD..
Later, somehow don't know why..
alphabets get reversed..

-----------------------------------
Secret formula for married couples...
"Love One Another"
And if it doesn't work , bring the last word in the middle.!!!!

======================
Village called piplantri in Rajasthan-
India’s other daughters - The village that plants 111 trees when a girl is born
4 days ago

In a country that still favours the birth of a son, Piplantri village in Rajasthan not only

embraces daughters but has created a tradition that benefits both the local people and the

planet. This endearing village makes a conscious effort to save girl children and the green cover

at the same time, by planting 111 trees every time a girl is born. A brilliant exercise in

eco-feminism, this should inspire India and the rest of the world.

This wonderful eco-conscious tradition ensures that an increase in human population will never

come at a cost to the environment. It is literally helping to ensure a greener future with each

new generation.

The village gathers as a community and plants 111 fruit trees in honour of every newborn female

child.

Village residents collect Rs. 21,000 between themselves and Rs.10,000 from the girl’s parents.

This sum of Rs. 31,000 is made into a 20-year fixed deposit for the girl.

Parents are legally bound by a signed affidavit stating that their daughter will receive proper

education. The affadavit also mandates that the girl should be married only after she reaches

legal age and the trees planted after her birth have been correctly looked after.

The community ensures that the trees survive, attaining fruition as the girl grows up.

The villagers don’t just plant trees, they look after them as well. To protect the trees from

termites, the residents plant aloe vera plants around them.

These trees, and especially the aloe vera plants, are now a source of livelihood for several

residents.

This unique tradition was first suggested by the village’s former leader, Shyam Sundar Paliwal,

in honour of his daughter who passed away at a young age. In the last 6 years, over a quarter of

a million trees have been planted.

Villagers claim there has not been any police case here for the last 7 to 8 years.

This is a heartwarming and inspiring story that MUST be shared and replicated as much as possible

across India and the world.
Share this and help to make our world greener and more equal!

=================

Please note:::
April Fools Day is only for singles.
The married have their anniversary.


==================

After the war, Hanumanji submitted his Travel Allowance Bill for his official tour for collecting

Sanjeevani Booti to Ayodhya administration.

The Auditor in Bill Section raised 3 objections :

(1) Hanumanji did not take prior permission of the appropriate authority (Bharat), the King of

Ayodhya, during the relevant time for his travel

(2) Hanumanji being Grade 2-officer was not entitled to air travel;

(3) Hanumanji was asked to bring Sanjeevani Booti, just a single plant, but he carried a whole

mountain (unauthorized excess baggage).

The Auditor returned the bill. King Ram could do nothing except mark it down for re-examination.

A worried Hanumanji approached the Auditor and offered a bribe of 20% of the T.A.Bill amount.

The Auditor now wrote on the Bill :

Re-examined :
1. Even during the relevant time, Ram was still the king through his Paduka.

2. Further in an emergency, non-entitled officers can be authorized ex-post facto to fly.

3. Also excess baggage is justified as bringing a wrong plant would have entailed multiple

journeys with extra cost; hence bill may be paid.

Ram ji shocked !!
Accounts department rocks  Wish u a happy financial year ending

==========

Biology Class:Teacher: Which Mammal flies in air but gives birth to young ones on

land...???Sardar was so excited, as for the 1st time he knew the Answer...!!!???.........Sardar:

AIRHOSTESS...!!!???

===========


















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SMS Jokes, Quotes , Funny texts - Page 6

Wife & Husband

WIFE - Tumne shaadi se pehle kyun nahi bataya ke tumhari Raani naam ki ek or wife bhi hai....??

HUSBAND - Bataya to tha tumhe Raani ki tarah rakhunga..!!


Phone Bill

The phone bill was exceptionally high. Man called a family meeting to discuss.

Dad: This is unacceptable. I don't use home phone, I use my work phone.

Mum: Me too. I hardly use home phone. I use my companies phone

Son: I use my office mobile, I never use the home phone.

All of them shocked and together looked at the maid who's patiently listening to them.

Maid: "What? So we all use our work phones. What's the Big deal??



DICTIONARY ही एक ऐसी जगह है
जिसमें:
1. Death, Life से पहले आती है।
2. End, Start से पहले आता है।
3. Divorce, Marriage से पहले आता है।
4. Child, Parents से पहले आता है।
5. Evening, Morning से पहले आती है।
6. Result, Test से पहले आता है।
7. Destination, Struggle से पहले आता है।
8. Dinner, Lunch से पहले आता है।
9. Doctor, Fever से पहले आता है।
केवल एक चीज़ Dictionary में
सही आती है
और
वह है
'FRIENDS', जो Relatives से पहले
आते हैं।
IF U LIKE IT THEN SHARE WITH YOUR FRIENDS

=================================================
Stock Market
There lived lot of monkeys in a village.

One day a merchant came to the village to buy these monkeys.

He announced that he will buy a monkey @  hundred rupees each.

The villegers thought that this man is mad

They thought  , how can somebody buy stray monkeys
.did anybody give 100 rupees
For this useless monkeys?
Still,some peoples caught some monkeys and gave it to this merchant and he gave 100 rupees for each monkey.

This news spread like anything and people caught monkeys and sold it to the🐥 monkey merchant.

After some days he announced that he will buy monkeys @ 200 each.

The lazy villegers ran around to catch the remaining monkeys

They sold the remaining monkeys @200 each.

Then the merchant announced that he buy monkeys @500 each.


The villegers lost sleep. .They
Caught six or seven monkeys ,which was left and got 500 each...

The villegers were waiting anxiously for the next announcement.

Then the merchant announced that he is going home for one week
And when he returns. .he buy monkeys @ 1000 each...

He asked his employee to take care of the monkeys.
He was alone taking care of all the monkeys in a cage.

The merchant went home ...

The villegers were very sad that .There were no monkeys left for them to sell it at 1000 rupees.

Then his employee told them that he will give some monkeys @700 each secretly.
👍👍


This news also flashed like fire ,since the merchant buy monkey @ 1000 each.300 profit for one monkey...

LADDU broke on villegers head...

The next day villegers made a que near the monkey cage

The employee sold all the monkeys at 700 each

The rich bought monkeys in lot. The poor also borrowed money from financers and bought monkeys.

He sold all the monkeys @ 700 rupees .

The villegers took care of their monkeys & waited for the merchant to return.


But nobody came...
Then they ran to the employee. ...

But he has already left. .

Then the villegers realised
That ,they have bought the useless & stray monkeys
@ 700 each

This is the business ,now we
Call STOCK MARKET

This business has made lot of peoples to bankruptcy &  very little people crorepathies in this monkey business. .

How is my story of stock market...no no ..monkey market ?if u like the story share with ur friends.let them also laugh....


============
Complete & Finished

Can any one say the difference between 'Complete' and 'Finished'?

No dictionary has ever been able to define the difference between 'Complete' and 'Finished.'

However, in a linguistic conference, held in London England, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese, was the clever winner.

His final challenge was this. Some say there is no difference between 'Complete' and 'Finished.' Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand.

His response was: When you marry the right woman, you are 'Complete.' If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'Finished.' And, when the right woman catches you with the wrong woman, you are 'Completely Finished.'

His answer received a five minute standing ovation.

Drunkards

3 fully drunk guys entered a taxi.
The taxi driver knew that they were drunk 🍻so he started the engine & turned it off again. He told them.... "We have reached".

The 1st guy gave him money &
the 2nd guy said "thank you".
The 3rd guy gave the driver a slap.

The driver was shocked,😳 thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did.


He asked "whats that for?".

The 3rd guy replied:
"Next time drive slowly"

For the 1st time , someone has written something good for men also.....  !!

========
Who is a MAN
A man is the most beautiful part of God's creation.
 He sacrifices his chocolates🍬 for his  sister.
He sacrifices his dreams 💭for just a  smile on his parents' face.
  He spends his entire pocket money💰 on buyng gifts💝 for the lady 👰     he loves💞 just to see her smiling
He sacrifices his full youth for his wife & children👪 by working late   at night without any complaint.
He builds 🏡their future by taking loans from banks & repaying them for lifetime.
 He struggles a lot & still has to bear scolding from his mother, wife  & boss.
His life finally ends up only by compromising for others'   happiness
If he goes out, then he's careless
If he stays at home, then he's a lazy
If he scolds children, then he's a monster
If he doesn't scold, then he's a irresponsible guy
If he stops wife from working, then he's an insecure guy
If he doesn't stops wife from working, then he's somebody who lives on wife's earnings
If he listens to mom, then he's mama's boy
If he listens to wife, he's wife's slave
Respect every male in your life. U will never know what he has sacrificed 4U.
Worth sending to every man to make him smile & every woman to make her realize his worth!!
HAPPY MEN'S DAY"
Which never comes.

=====
Loose Motion

4 Students:
1 of HARVARD
1 of OXFORD
1 of TEXAS
&
Santa Singh of PUNJAB UNIVERSITY...

1 Common Question:-

"What is the Fastest thing in the World?"

Student of HARVARD: "Light"

Student of OXFORD: "Thought"

Student of TEXAS:
"Blink of an Eye"

SANTA SINGH of PUNJAB UNIVERSITY:
"Loose Motion!"

Because

Last Night I Was Lying On My Bed & Before I Could
"Blink", "Think" or "Turn on the Light",,
It was all Over...😝

Harvard / Oxford / Texas Shocked .... Punjab Rocked...!!!

================

After death a man reached at heaven gate. There he met Chitra Gupta

Chitra Gupta : You have to answer a question after that you can enter.

The man: What’s that?

Chitra Gupta : You have to spell a word. In case you fail, you will be taken to Hell.

The man: Which word?

Chitra Gupta : “Love”

The man: Okay, it’s “L-O-V-E”

Chitra Gupta : Correct! Come inside.

As he was about to enter in heaven Chitra Gupta’s mobile rang.

Chitra Gupta : God is calling me for some urgent work, I have to go for a minute. You please keep eyes on the gate until I come back.

The man: Okay, for sure.

 Chitra Gupta : Please, ask the same question if anybody comes here in my absence, if they reply with the correct spelling you can let them enter in heaven, otherwise send them to Hell from the other gate.

The man: I’ll obey.

Just after Chitra Gupta  left, the man saw a lady coming towards him.

 She was his wife.
The man asked: Hey Leela,how you reached here?

Leela : After your death when I was going back to home from the cemetery, a bus hit me and I found myself here.Now you move aside and let me in.

The man: No, as per rules here, you must spell a word correctly to enter in heaven, otherwise you will be taken to hell from that other gate, the man replied.

Leela: Which word?

The man: “Czechoslovakia"

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Kallahalli Srinivasa temple , Bangalore weekend destinations

While exploring interesting spots near Kanakapura Taluk , our team visited one of the interesting destination - Sri Srinivasa temple at Kalahalli , on the Bangalore - Kanakapura national highway also known as “SRI KSHETRA CHIKKA TIRUPATHI” also known as “VASISHTA MAHARSHI KSHETRA” - which is around 50 kms from the city center and about a 1 hour journey from Bangalore. In this post we share our visit experience. 




On the NH209 highway , there is an arch to mark the entry towards this temple. Once we enter this arch , there is a beautiful surrounding filled with coconut farms , lush green trees and hills at a fair view distance. From this spot , temple is at a km distance. Temple seemed to be in the midst of the Kallahalli village , surrounded by petty shops selling Pooja items. It was a hot sunny day and the temple stone paths were nearly burning the skin. Soon we entered the temple gopuram. There was not much rush and some poojas were being conducted with many devotees - which seemed to be "Srinivasa Kalyana pooja" (depicting the marriage of Lord Srinivasa) .  We entered the main shrine and at the first shot able to get the darshan of the Srinivasa Idol. It was a pleasure to watch the idol garnished with flowers and the place was calm for submitting the prayers. Temple seemed to be a very old at-least aging 200-300 years with stone pillars.  Overall a very nice spot to visit with your family and friends



Few interesting facts about this spot - referenced from their website kallahallisrinivasatemple.org . We have used the same content here with a view to share this useful information to many visitors.

The temple is famously known for its Monolithic Idol, which is just the same way in TIRUPATHI or BILIGIRI RANGA HILLS. We find both in TIRUPATHI and BR Hills the idol of the Lord is “KATI HASTHA DHAARI” which means the Lord is posing with this hand on his waist. But in KALLAHALLI , we can see the Lord as “GADHA DHAARI” which means , having Gadha in his hand.The most amazing thing to be noted is that tll these three idols have been made pois by the Tapas or the meditation of VASISHTA MAHARSHI & hence the name as “VASISHTA MAHARSHI KSHETRA.”

Few common things between tirumala temple and kallahalli temple

The first and foremost thing common is that the main temple has only the Lord’s idol and we do not find Srimahalakshmi idol near the Lord in both the places .
We find “NAVANEETHA KRISHNA” in both the places which is the idol of Sri Krishna holding the butter in the right hand .
Both the places consists of “SHADGUNYA YANTRA” that is the six corners which represents Lord’s six GUNAS or Qualities which are GNANA, AISHWARYA, SHAKTI , BALA , TEJAS and VEERYA.
One more important thing to note is that at the time of BRAHMA RATHOTHSAVA there will be a “MAHA MANGALARATHI” for the Lord before moving the chariot. At that pios time we can see the Kite taking a parikrama of the chariot once, even to this date.

Sri Guruvayurappan temple , Nettigere - Bangalore weekend destinations

Our team happened to visit Sri Guruvayurappan temple on the Bangalore - Kanakapura National Highway NH209 recently. In this post we bring out what we explored at this spot.

It was a sunny summer morning when our team left from Bangalore to explore few places in Kanakapura . They took the highway NH209 for their journey. After travelling for about an hour from Bangalore , at Nettigere - a small village , they noticed a way to Sri Guruvayurappan temple .


Sri GuruVayurappan Temple , Nettigere



Guruvayurappan is known to be another form of Lord Vishnu and is one of the main deity worshiped by Kerala Hindu community . Our team had visited the main temple in Guruvayoor near Thrissur, Kerala and were very curious to this temple in Karnataka also. Locating this temple is little tricky , if you are passing by the highway once you pass Edify institute , after passing few kms on the left there is a small board indicating Entry to Nettigere village, once we take this road , temple is just 200 mts away adjoining the Cauvery river pipeline road.

There was ample space for parking. Soon we entered inside the temple premises. We were greeted by a small park inside the temple and corridor space meant for lighting lamps / Deepa . The structure of the temple resembled typical Kerala style of construction. As per the tradition followed by this temple , men - should enter inside the temple wearing a dhoti & Shalya only and wearing normal dress is strictly not allowed. There are facilities at the temple where they provide Dhoti and Shalya at free cost. However no such restrictions for ladies ! Other lady devotees had wore traditional Sarees.

We too changed to Dhothi and Shalya - and entered inside the temple shrine. It was a very peaceful place with a light chanting of omkara and few devotees meditating. The Idol of Sri Guruvayurappan was visible straightaway inside the mantapam, where there were no electric lights and the idol was only visible through the oil lamps lit and was a great pleasure to watch. There are many types of poojas performed here. Interestingly , those who want to perform pooja themselves have to enter the details in receipt , put their contribution in the Hundi and handover the receipt to the priest. After taking the theertha , flower and Srigandha prasadam from priest , we got a chance to taste the Ksheera prasada outside the shrine. We changed back to our costumes and spent some time around the spot. There seemed to be some back waters / passages around this temple but all had dried up. Priests here are prolific in Malayalam , kannada and other regional languages.


This is one of the must visit spots near Bangalore to get a glimpse of Kerala style of temples , their culture and traditions. Temple is open between 05.30 AM to 11.30 AM and again at evening between 5.30 PM to 08 PM. Overall a nice spot to visit with your family and friends.

Do visit this spot and share your experience.

SMS Jokes , Quotes , Funny texts - page 5

Which end

Son : Daddy , today I got punished at school ?
Dad : why ?
Son : My teacher pointed the scale towards me saying - at the end of this scale there is an idiot
I just asked 'which end' ?


This is unbeatable !!!😂 School teacher sent home a note..:.. ” Your son is an obedient & bright student but spends too much time with girls. ” Mother sent a note back: ”Please advise a solution! Father has the same problem.

File transfer
A girl went to electronics shop with anger & threw her new laptop on d desk at person from whom she bought. She told that u have cheated me. I cannot transfer file from my previous laptop... Salesman:Madam, can u pls try in front of me? Now this is what she did: 1)Right clicked d mouse on d file, selected COPY option. 2) Disconnected d mouse. 3)Took that mouse carefully & connected to d new laptop. 4)Right clicked d mouse & selected PASTE option. Salesman DIED on the spot!!!! Enna ma epdi panreengale ma..

Moral
It was a Sports Stadium... 8 boys were standing on a track for racing. Ready ! Steady ! Bang ! With sound of Pistol all boys started running. Hardly had they covered 10 to 15 steps, 1 boy slipped & fell. He started crying due to pain. When other 7 Boys heard him, all of them STOPPED running.. STOOD for a while, turned BACK & RAN towards him. All the 7 Boys LIFTED the Boy, pacified him, joined hands together, walked together & reached WINNING Post. Officials were shocked. Many Eyes were filled with tears. It happened sometime ago at Pune. Race was conducted by National Institute of Mental Health... All participants were Mentally RETARDED. What did they teach ? Teamwork, Humanity, Sportsman spirit, Love, Care, & Equality.. We Surely can NEVER Do this, because... We have Brains.... We have Ego... We have Attitude One of best messages I've received

Mom
When you say, "Mom, 4 dosas will be enough for me.", she will bring you 5..🍛🍛🍛 When you're out, she will call you once in an hour.⏰📞⏰📞⏰ When there are 3 apples and your family has 4 members, mom will say, "I don't like apples".🍎🍎🍎🍎 When you go to sleep with no blankets, you will definitely wake up with one. 😴😇😴😇😴😇 When you're going away to another city or country, she will pack you a bunch of snacks specially made for you. Then she will tell you, "Don't give all snacks to your friends. Eat it yourself."🍯🍪🍯🍪🍯 When coming back home after a long day, the first thing your mom would say, "Come and have dinner"⏰🍛
Gonna study at midnight? Don't worry. Mom will make you tea, coffee or whatever snack you want and she will never complain about losing her sleep.
If it's for her children, mom will go to a temple no matter how far it is or how long it will take.🙏🙏🙏 Conclusion: At times, you may not like her.😪 You may get irritated by her. 😖😠😫 You may even abandon her. 😷😏😑🙈 But a mom will always be a mom. And you will always be her 👶child👶✨ She will never stop loving you..😍😍😍 No one in this world can take a mom's place...not even God. Dedicated to all the lovely moms on earth and in heaven❤❤❤... If u lv ur mom tn forward dis to ur friends
The love story of Kamlesh and Kavita. Kamlesh and Kavita were both patients in a mental hospital.. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Kamlesh suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Kavita promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Kavita's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Kavita the news she said: 'Kavita, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Kamlesh hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.' Kavita replied (you'll love this) . 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry

Cracker of d day. Someone asked an old man, “At 70yrs, u still cal ur wife . …Darling.., jaan…, janu…., sweety…, baby…., Honey….., Luv….!!!!” What is the secret of this love??? Dhamaaka answer by Old man: I forgot her name 10 yrs ago…….. & I’m scared to ask her.

Attachment
A very emotional quote by Bill Gates !! Attachment is not when two people chat day & night ... Attachment is not when two people can't live without each other ... Attachment is not when two people can't stay away from each other for a moment ... But when the Boss sends an email to you with subject as 'Increment letter' and the attached file is missing ... That missing file is called Attachment ... !!

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